FEAR NOT

In the last several years I have been attempting to overcome my fears.  I was the wimpy girl growing up who didn't want to try anything new.  My appetite for adventure revolved more around trying new food or nail polish colors rather than actual outdoor adventure.  I'm sure my fears were totally irrational.

In recent years my fear of guns, or shooting one I should say, has been eliminated.  I'd say owning two guns, hunting, and allot of target practice using about 40 different guns will get rid of that fear real fast.  It's a therapy for me now. 

My fear of water where I can't see the bottom is not completely gone, but things like joining a rowing team, getting my boater's certification, boat fishing, and fly fishing have helped reduce the fear.

My fear of being social?  Yes, I guess that one is gone.  I was the person who changed my college major to not have to take a public speaking class. No joke! I was unbelievably shy and would never consider going to a restaurant or a bar by myself. I was the wallflower at the party and to dance in front of people required mind numbing amounts of alcohol. To stand in front of a group to speak caused anxiety and panic. Today?  Bring it!

My fear of small closed in spaces?  Oooohhh.  Now there's a story to that one.  When I think of things like scuba diving, I picture myself being trapped inside a tight enclosed head mask submerged in water unable to get out.  I get anxious just thinking about it. 

Many years ago I was with a group of friends who went to Buckner's Cave, just outside of Bloomington,IN.  That part of Indiana, with it's rich limestone beds, has many caves and this one was quite a challenge.  The entry point to the cave started in an open sink hole, so I thought this would be "easy".  No, that was just the foyer.  The actual "door" to the cave was a tiny little hole in the ground that we had to get down on our bellies and squeeze into.  I had my first ever experience of what it felt like to hyper-ventilate.  I had to be talked through it. Once in, the crawling...or slithering....continued. For the next 3.5 hours it was some standing, lots of time crouched down, bent over, and twisting our bodies through wildly created natural cavern space.  We had flashlights and extra batteries.  There was no natural light to be had the entire time. 

I followed the group and enjoyed the "scenery".  We stopped to rest on occasion but for the most part we were moving (slowly) through this crazy cave.  At the end, when we all came out into the daylight again, it was exhilarating.  We had a 3 hour trip home to Illinois and we stopped for a bite to eat before the long trip.  It was then that the tiredness and soreness started to settle in. 

The next couple of days were some of the sorest of my life.  My body had twisted and contorted into positions it had not known.  My excitement about telling friends about it soon began to change to the panic of "what if?" because when I realized that if one of us had gotten hurt...the only way out of the cave was the exact same way we got into the cave. Ahhhhhh!!!!

The experience was great, but unfortunately my claustrophobia remains intact.